doing research before thinking

hey y'all I've been incredibly depressed recently since trying to come out and my Dad’s death while doing that. for the record right now I would call myself Nonbinary. my mom keeps denying my Touretts for some reason so she's likely no help. anyways I've been trying to love myself more recently and I thinking about estrogen and Google mostly likely Female to female in mind but I'm AMAB and the risks seem a bit too much and I'm American 😬. any help with this or just confirmation that I'm over thinking it I do not like my body hair ever since my dad passed (the "I can compete with him" thing.)