todays vlog;

hey hi hello my name is dana and i vlog my life as a polyamorous person to show you my normal day-to-day life! ✨📸💅💖

so today i finally flew back home from florida ✈️🌴☀️ and omg i was SO exhausted 😩 from my totally relaxing vacation 🏖️. not because i was, you know, being a parent 🤢 but because of all the shopping 🛍️, drinking 🍹, hanging out with my besties 👯‍♀️, and completely ignoring my child 👶 at every possible moment. 😌💅 parenting is so hard when you literally don’t do it!! 🙃 but don’t worry, i did technically bring them with me!! just to drop them off with my friends’ kids so i could go do whatever i wanted. 🤗 because, like, why take care of my own kid?? 💀

the first thing i did when i got home? absolutely nothing. 😍 unpacking?? ❌ cleaning?? ❌ making my home remotely livable?? ABSOLUTELY NOT. 🚫 my suitcase?? dumped in the corner. 🧳 my house?? still a disgusting mess. 🦠 and guess what?? the haters 🤡 are STILL crying about it!! like sorry, but i am JUST ONE PERSON. 😤 eli is never home to help, so OBVIOUSLY that means i don’t have to do anything either!! 🤷‍♀️ like what do you expect me to do, actually clean?? 😭 be so fr.

speaking of eli, he’s coming home tomorrow 🥰😍 and NO, i am not bitter 😃 about him sleeping with Em in texas while i was off doing my thing in florida. ✈️ why would i be?? i mean, Em and i are friends 🤗 and in this household, eli is not allowed 🚫 to have partners i’m not also in contact with. 💅 i don’t make the rules!! (except i literally do). so yeah, no jealousy here! not a single ounce! 🥰🥰🥰 i totally love this for us!! 😌

anyway, my kid was somewhere in the house 🏡 but i had WAY more important things to do than spend time with them. like scrolling through twitter 🐦, making questionable posts, and - oh yeah - offending the entire LGBTQ+ community 🏳️‍🌈 for literally no reason at all! 😌 because instead of focusing on literally anything else, i decided today was the day i was gonna double down on using BOTH F slurs. 🤬 because OBVIOUSLY i’m allowed to say them 🙄!! like, people in england 🇬🇧 use them for different words, so that means i can totally say them!! 🤡 language is so funny and silly, guys!! 🤪 it’s not my fault people are offended by words that have totally different meanings in other places!! 😇

but don’t worry, i DID do something productive today - I finally took a shower. 🚿 and because i KNEW the haters were foaming at the mouth 🤡 waiting for me to slip up, i made EXTRA sure to post a video 📹 of myself wrapped in a towel 🛁 with a pore strip on my nose, just to prove that i do in fact practice basic hygiene sometimes. 😇 see?? i took one shower, so now all of your criticisms are completely invalid! ❌ try again, losers! 😘

also, i’m SO exhausted 😩 from all the thrifting i did in florida. 🛍️ like, i really put in the work. 💪 i dug through so many racks to find the cutest things for myself 💖 and my girlfriend 💕 and, oh yeah, i also spent a whopping $40 on my kid. super mom moment!!! 🏆🤩 truly, i deserve an award for that. 👏👏👏

after that, i spent the rest of the day laying in bed 🛏️, ignoring my responsibilities ❌, and fighting with people on reddit. 👩‍💻 at first, i was going back and forth 💬, but eventually, i got SO tired 😴 of being called out that i decided to make posts on my own reddit page instead. 😌 and OF COURSE, i locked the comments 🔒 because god forbid i be subject to ANY form of criticism. 🤡 i mean, i love to dish it out 🍽️ but take it?? absolutely not. 🚫

anyway, thanks for watching today’s vlog! 🎥💖 come back tomorrow for more shitty poly content, terrible parenting, and me continuing to pretend i’m totally unbothered by eli’s texas adventures! 😍✨