Am I playing the game wrong

So I've been playing ck3 for about 200 hrs and Im starting to realize that I have a hard time declaring war on people that I don't think have wronged me. I could have 10 claims on someone but I have to either force myself to attack them or wait till they attack me or are caught in a scheme against me .I.E. I ask someone to promote my legend if they do I won't attack them even if they have lands I need for a kingdom/empire title of they don't promote my legend well Veni, Vidi, Vici. Does anyone play like this?