20F I cheat even though we’re in an open relationship (sort of)

I’m addicted to the thrill of lying to him. It’s fun. I feel filthy. He used to be really into me being with other men but now he only wants it to happen when we’re together. Since it’s a long distance relationship I often go on dates and fuck other men without telling him. I even whored myself out twice. He claims to be a highly intuitive person but I’ve even travelled to another state to meet another man during a week in which we had a fight (we weren’t speaking that much) he didn’t suspect a thing lol. Tell me I’m a filthy slut, a lying whore. Tell me I’m despicable, I get off on it.