What made you guys break up when everything was idk fine ??

January we broke up. We were both frustrated, have different needs to be met. I soon realized before our breakup I have developed an anxious attachment to him. He's has been the avoidant attachment. Took me 3 yrs to realize. I always fought for the relationship and over time it took a toll on me. I love him, and I know he loves me. I just don't feel the same, hopeful, fearless, trusting. I'm broken. One of the last times we had a big issue, it did stem from how I felt about certain things and lash outs. It always seemed to be that way in some way. He went a whole month without talking to me, i couldn't understand it. I had to be the one to initiate a conversation and ask we talk over it again, i guess I wanted some closure. But I just broke down. We tried again since, and it happened again. A week went by before we spoke. I began to hate myself. I kept asking, why am I letting this happen to me, and be treated this way. I couldn't do it. When we spoke I thought that was it and felt completely destroyed. I got physically sick. There was stuff I didn't see myself throwing away, and had let him know I would rather he have them back. And there was something of old sentiment he had too. When we exchanged things I admitted to him it was hard. It's my first relationship, and my first serious relationship. About 5 yrs. When we spoke again, we agreed to try again. And I have a voice in the back of my head telling me I'm stupid. Everything is fine now, but every now and then a flood of thoughts rush into my head, of everything i went through with him and I question it and doubt all of it. I opened up about it to him, and it didn't end up in a fight, he was able to be understanding and be vulnerable with me too. But now I don't know what's best. I feel like I need to heal, he needs to do his own healing and I don't know if as we try to work on ourselves while being in the relationship is the best. I honestly rather we break up amicably, with the best intentions. I'm scared of something is gonna happen and derail us and all of it. I'm scared of how that will consume me. Of how it will affect him. And this is what I mean, I always fight for the relationship, hopeful, with faith to overcome everything. Now I just think I'm defeated and yet still in love. I don't know if I'm just his safety net. Does that makes sense? Does any of this makes sense ? And yes, I do, i do see the changes in him. He's sincere he's trying. Is this wrong of me to think? about a break up ? Am I self sabotaging by thinking I should let this relationship go...

I'm sorry if this is vague. Mentally I know I'm a mess.

In case anyone wondering. F28 M28