Trying to process an interaction I (28F) just had with my boyfriend (28M).

Ok so my BF and I have been dating for almost 3 years and our relationship has been amazing. I see myself marrying him one day. Some background info: I’ve recently had some health issues and underwent a laproscopic surgery that made 5 incisions into my abdomen to remove an endometriosis riddled ovary that was causing me massive pain. It’s been almost a month since the procedure, and I’ve had a lot of physical limitations since I’m healing.

Tonight, we were laying in bed facing each other like usual and talking about random things. We were joking back and forth, and to give more context, we were kidding around about people being right/wrong. Not about anything specific, but I kept joking that sometimes it’s all about a person’s perspective, no matter what facts are presented in a situation (i.e. for some people opinion = fact). He was joking back that no matter what, wrong is wrong. Then for some reason, he decided to punch me in the side and said he didn’t do it when I said ouch. He then tried to joke that I must have “perceived” it happening. It wasn’t a really hard punch, if it was I would’ve probably been crying, but like I said, I’ve had a major surgery within the past month. He has NEVER hit/punched me before for any reason, even in a joking manner. I told him my side now hurts and he immediately responded that he did not think it through. He tried to joke again but I shut down. We both went silent and then rolled over to our respective sides of the bed. Now I’m downstairs on the couch, and my side is definitely sore. I’m pretty upset that he didn’t apologize, even if he acknowledged he didn’t think before he acted. Part of me wants to storm upstairs, wake him back up and tell him how much this emotionally hurt me and that I’m physically in discomfort as a result, but I don’t want to start a fight. I very much dislike fighting/yelling and that’s never been a thing in our relationship. I also don’t want to have to point out to him that I deserve an apology. That’s literally the bare minimum thing to do. I’ll probably sleep on the couch tonight because this has left me wide awake and I don’t want to be next to him right now. I also don’t want him to play this off tomorrow like it never happened. How can I approach this with him to make sure he understands how fucked up what he just did was?

Edit: Before I update, I’m going to address those of you that are calling for me to leave him/press charges, making him out to be an abuser, or basically accusing me of normalizing abuse. I can’t make you fully understand our relationship through comments or updates, but he is not abusive. I’m appalled at that. Abuse is never okay, and I would never put up with it. I’m actively in therapy, and will be bringing this up at my next session, so I have adequate support to address this in the ways that I need to. I needed space to begin to process, which most of you recognized and I appreciate your feedback. As I mentioned in some comments, I watched my mom hit my dad many times as a kid. My boyfriend’s action clearly upset me, but I didn’t feel the need to call or text all my friends or family to get their opinion on the situation and cloud my own judgement. I’m typically a person that processes very privately, and posting is out of character for me, but it was so late at night I knew I wouldn’t get a response from my sister right away.

Ok so now the update: I did not sleep on the couch that night. I was wide awake and felt upset so instead of laying there, I sat by myself for a bit, snuggled my cats, and then went back to bed when I felt tired. I saw some replies before I went to sleep and had some time to think. In the morning I asked him simply what happened last night. He looked so embarrassed, and he immediately apologized, saying he really did not think his action through and he did not intend to hurt me. He then had to go to work so we picked up the conversation later. When we spoke again, I addressed how we have a lot of instances where we bust one another, but it’s never been physical. I acknowledged with him that I would never want him to be in a situation where he thinks I intentionally hurt him. He completely understood my point and said he was really out of line with what he did. He understands why I felt so upset and also doesn’t want me to be fearful of him in any way. He acknowledged that since this just happened, he needs to show me that he will never do something like that again. I wouldn’t say his behavior has completely changed since we spoke, as that would actually be a red flag to me, but he’s been a little more attentive and has checked in with me to see if I’m doing okay. Again, thanks for the insight/feedback.