I am currently not worthy of being Catholic and feel like I never will

First of all, my apologies. This is about a particular sin — or rather a state — we are all tired of reading and discussing about.

Good day all. I hope you are all having a great Ash Wednesday and God bless. I will try to be as brief as possible and hopefully not leave a sour note on such a blessed day.

Before anything, for context, I have had quite a journey in reestablishing my relationship with God. I am a fellow Christian, baptized in the Catholic Church. My mother loves Him above everything else, albeit she never fulled practiced the faith. I am born a miracle, so to speak, since my father has a condition that made near impossible for conception to take place.

Now, to the matter at hand — the title is self explanatory. I personally don't know what I seek to read in the comments... perhaps understanding or some guidance.

For some time now, I have been seeking a Church to fully convert to. While I see Christians from all denominations as my brethren, Catholicism is what draws me in the most. In fact, I can rationalize everything and acknowledge that the Catholic Church holds the Truth above all the other religions. However strict some teachings are, I can understand why and how they are correct and completely justified — especially considering the current state our world is in.

And yet... I don't think I will ever be fully worthy. I have so many shortcomings, alongside one main sin — porn that leads to masturbation — that haunts me ever since my teenage years, which left me feeling both desensitized, hopeless and unworthy. I only seek it in a way to help with my anxiety to better sleep at night... or so I tell myself.

I recognize it is a defeatist, and, quite frankly, weak mindset, for lack of a better term. I tried to debate mentally against the Church's rigid instance regarding some sins, but I deep down know it is my own stubbornness speaking and trying to prevail.

Amongst many sinners, even killers and thieves can very well receive God's grace lest they truly repent. And how magnificent this is! It is truly wondrous, such a dark soul being cleaned is solid testament of God's immense love for us and His fairness. And yet, here I am, feeling weak and helpless. Unworthy, as I also know that the Catholic Church is the Truth. Thus, I find myself in a deadlock.

Again, I am not sure what to expect to read in response... I suppose a bit of venting was in order. Maybe I am also exaggerating or overthinking. In any case, I know the definitive answer: truly repent, convert and go to confession.

I wonder if a few of you lots felt in a similar manner, and if so, how you moved forward from it. Regardless, I truly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and respond. Your advice would mean a great deal. God bless.

Edit: I added some more context. I hope the text structure is easy to understand and read. Thank you for the comments thus far!

Edit 2: I thank you very much for your time to comment and for the prayers wishes 🙏🏻 Now I know more than ever that I ought to become Catholic and fully convert myself. God bless you all 🙏🏻