looking for some solace/community as a woman with adhd symptoms

hey guys, i'm 23F and i want to know whether my experiences resonate with any of you as i feel quite alone right now. some background info, i only have diagnosed mixed anxiety and depression. as someone who has never fully considered whether i might have ADHD until now, i especially doubt the validity of my symptoms as i don't really experience much of the 'hyperactivity' component, but i do feel like i have a lot of attention deficit symptoms. i'm seeing a doctor soon to discuss my symptoms and i very much trust them to reach the right conclusion/refer me onwards if needed, so i'm NOT looking for medical advice, rather i just want to know whether i'm not alone in my symptoms and experiences.

i'm an only child, so growing up i don't think i even had the opportunity to be hyperactive even if i was and i always had to find ways to occupy myself. i was always a shy kid and always cared a lot about what others thought, so i'd always keep to myself. i'd always be on my laptop with online games or on my phone, or doing some other hobby.

however, some attention deficit symptoms i experienced (that i didn't even realise at the time) was finding it extremely hard to concentrate at school. i would either talk a lot to people around me and have a laugh, or feel so exhausted trying to focus that i would be on the cusp of falling asleep (regardless of how well i slept.) i feel like i compensated for those symptoms with good/decent grades which is perhaps why neither i or my parents thought there was an issue. i feel like now that i'm at university i can no longer compensate for these symptoms by coasting as the content is so hard. i feel like i have to work 100x harder than others on my course to absorb the same knowledge and it's really affecting me. i'm underachieving significantly at university.

the only way i can somewhat concentrate, if the conditions are perfect, is if i'm in a busy environment and/or have music blasting in my ears. i cannot focus in the quiet, and i can't focus at home.

i have also always been extremely messy and disorganised. to this day, i can never stick to keeping my room tidy no matter how many times i have done a deep clean (which i can't do often because i get overwhelmed extremely easily and get distracted.)

my time management is also absolutely horrific. for context, i have repeated the same year at university twice now due to other external factors, but my disastrous time management, lack of focus and organisational skills have definitely not helped.

i struggle to maintain friendships as i get easily overwhelmed and it has cost me some of them. i'm terrible at replying to messages or getting back to people which i feel awful about but i am constantly trying to work on it.

i also can't sit still and always shake my legs which annoys everyone.

it feels a bit nerve wracking to open this can of worms as one of my recent hobbies is aviation and i was hoping to at least have the option to get a PPL one day, but the chances of passing a medical exam with ADHD to get a PPL are slim to none. do you guys see yourselves in any of my experiences, and if you were diagnosed later on in life what made you realise you may have ADHD and what was your experience with the process?

thank you :)